I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
