His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
