What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
