remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
