I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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