No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
