I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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