i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
