I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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