My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
