Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
