Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
