WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i drank out of a bidet.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
