i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This house was built for laser tag.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
