Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
