Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Found your dick twin last night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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