just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
