How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
