Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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