your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
