Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
