New low: just hacked my moms facebook
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You should frame my arrest warrant.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
