So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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