if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
