Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
