you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
