i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I want a musical about memes.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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