So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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