Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
