i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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