He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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