things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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