That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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