Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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