also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
