You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
