it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
