You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
