what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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