After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
