At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
