I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
