Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
