"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
