I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
