Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
