I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
