would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
