she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
