Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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