Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have aggressive nipples.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
